This Sunday is Father’s Day, the one day of the year that focuses on all the caring, wise, fun, and strong dads in each of our lives. Whether you have a father, step-father, grandfather, or any father figure in your life, June 21st is the perfect day to recognize them for all the hard work they do (or give them a little break if that’s what they’d prefer). Today, I want to bring a little light to one particular kind of dad —the foster father. Here at Chambliss Center for Children, we have dozens of exceptional foster dads. Recently, I had the privilege of chatting with one of them, Mr. Bob.
Question: To get started, Bob, can you tell me a little bit about yourself, your wife, Cynthia, and how you both got into fostering?
Well, I’m 62, and she’s 46. We’ve been married for 13 years, and I’ve known her for about 14 years now. She had two girls when I met her. Anyways, after being married for a couple years, she had been a licensed foster parent down in Alabama. She approached me about doing foster care because she felt an urge in her heart… She wanted to help teenage girls. At first, I was opposed to it. Not real keen on the idea. After a while of praying and pondering, I thought maybe it would be good if we could help some kids for a while, you know? Kids would come and kids would go. We would provide them with a safe home environment and some direction... But then they brought us a sibling group of some younger kids. They told us they wouldn’t be with us for very long. Long story short, we ended up adopting them two years later.
Question: So, how many kids do you have now?
We have 9 at the moment. It’s a lot. Like I said, people always look at us like we’re crazy. Like, “How’d you do it?” To me, it’s just normal. You don’t even think about, “Oh my gosh. How do you have all these kids?” We just do.
Question: What were your expectations going into [fostering]? I know your wife had experience and a heart for fostering, but what were your expectations?
I didn’t really know what to expect. We did the classes, and we were pretty excited, thinking they would call us and say, “Oh, we have a young teenage girl. Do you have a place?” And we would be so excited getting our first foster child. The day we were supposed to meet her, we were thinking, “What have we done? Are we sure we’re doing the right thing here?”
We went over to Child Protective Services. We’re sitting in this room, and they have this notebook, this 3-ring binder on this girl. It’s like an inch and a half thick. We were like, “Oh my goodness. What is going to walk through that door?” She was 17 at the time. It was this little blond-haired, blue-eyed girl that comes in. We thought, “This girl and this book can’t be together.” But they were. She had a lot of issues, which all of our foster kids at that age do. They’ve all come from abusive homes, you know?. They all carry that around. But this is what we are and what we do.
Question: So, what do you think having a dad, a foster father like you, has done in the lives of these girls?
Well, I really try to make sure they know in their heart that they’re safe and they’re protected. I want my kids to know that I’ll do whatever I can to make sure no one can hurt them. That’s one of the main things that I carry every day, making sure my kids are safe. I think that’s a big thing, especially with the girls. I want to make sure in their hearts that they can have faith and relax and know no one is going to hurt them. A lot of them have low self-esteem. It hurts when you’re not with your birth parents. It’s got to. I can’t imagine. I had a mom and dad, and I can’t imagine not having them when I was young. I think about that because being with my dad, I always felt safe. I can’t imagine being in a home where you never feel safe… So that’s one of the biggest things for me, is my girls know that I love them, I care about them, and I’m trying my best to keep them safe. I’ll do whatever I can.
Question: What are some words of encouragement that you can tell these fathers, these men, who are on the fence about fostering that might help them understand or encourage them to pursue becoming a foster parent.
You know, my daughter dances on the church dance team. Actually, four of them do. So, when I see my 17-year-old and she’s pretty, blond-haired, blue-eyed, she looks normal. But people don’t know where she came out of. I mean, she has been physically and mentally abused. She came to us when she was 7. When they put her in the first grade, she couldn’t read. In first grade, they wanted to expel her from school… She got behind because of her situation. She’s got a lot of stuff going on, but she’s a wonderful kid. When I see her up on stage at church dancing, and I think about what she came out of and what she’s becoming, it’s just the greatest feeling in the world to think that you may have a hand in helping this child grow up and having a chance at a normal life.
You know, she still has her struggles, but it’s amazing how far she’s come. She’s such a hard worker — not that she hasn’t had her moments. It’s just all my girls. The feeling that you get when you see these kids… They just need a chance. Someone to step up and say, “If your parents aren’t going to take care of you, I will.” So, it would be nice if some men would step up and take care of these kids that need help.
I had no idea how many kids were in the system. I was clueless. I was dumbfounded and really sheltered. I never knew that there were so many kids with nowhere to go and no place to put them.. It’s a hard thing, and it’s not for everybody. It’s not for the faint-hearted, but in the long-run, you have to look at the big picture. You’re helping someone who hasn’t had a great start and hasn’t had too many chances. Hopefully, you’re getting them on the right path to have a good life for themselves.
Question: You guys sound like you’ve sacrificed a lot. From what I hear, you’re a fantastic foster dad, Bob. I think you and your wife should be very proud of yourselves.
Well, she does most of the dirty work, but she likes it to be that way. My wife talks about getting more kids. She wants to put an extra house on our property and have more kids. I mean, Honey, we have all these kids, and we have 7 dogs!
Question: You have 7 dogs?
Yes, and my wife got into goats and wants some cows and chickens. We have a small farm. It’s good for the kids. They get to play around. They like it.
Bob is just a typical dad in so many ways. He gets his kids pets, he goes to dance recitals, and he drives to appointments. Sometimes, it’s those normal, everyday things that mean so much to children. His biggest goal as a father is to keep his children safe and remind them that they’re loved. We’re so thankful for dads like Mr. Bob, and they deserve to be celebrated this weekend. Happy Father’s Day to you, Bob, and to all the amazing dads who love their children, and keep them safe every day of the year.
Written by: Rachel Froug, Communications Coordinator